I had started writing this post last year, but never actually published it. Reason being that I couldn’t imagine how difficult a day like this is for anyone who lost a mother, isn’t close or on good terms with their mother, is trying to become a mother, or has lost a child. After losing daddy 8 months ago though, I truly feel that we should celebrate our parents and their endless love for us, every day of our lives. (I’ve made some tweaks and additions to my original post, in light of this.)
Mums are the most amazing creatures on the face of this planet, and I say creatures simply because I’m not just referring to human mums. Female creatures are born with this super power to take on a pregnancy, give life and then do everything in their will power to protect the life they create.
Most of us are very lucky to share the experience of having a mum guide us through most of our lives and in return pass on the knowledge our mothers would have given us to the next generation. I say most of us because unfortunately some of us might have lost our mother too early, or perhaps would love to share all that we know with our young, but our bodies and lives might have different plans for us. For these reasons, Mothers’ Day might come a lot harder to some than it does to others.
I cannot write a Mother’s Day post without thanking my mum for being such a pillar in my life. She knows more than anyone that we fight like crazy. Mum and I have very similar characters so we either get along brilliantly or we’ll be like two nuclear bombs exploding in each other’s faces. But mum has always been incredibly compassionate and understanding with everything I threw at her, and supportive in everything I do. I’m pretty sure I wasn’t the easiest child to raise, especially in my teenage years. She turned me into the woman I am today. I don’t think I ever appreciated the knowledge she passed onto to me as much as I did after I moved out. Whenever I need help or advice about anything, I won’t think twice before giving her a call to ask a million questions. This is most noticeable when I decide to try out a new recipe. The amount of calls she receives from when I’m buying ingredients to when I actually finish preparing a meal is insane. Yet she tries her best to remain calm and answer in detail every single question I throw at her. (I know this isn’t always easy for her, because she passed on her impatience to me 😉)
Over the past months, I’ve developed a new admiration for my mother, seeing how she’s been coping with all that she’s been through. The few days that dad was in hospital, leading up to his death and then the funeral, everyone around us kept telling us, be strong for your mum because she needs you more than ever. Truth of the matter is that my siblings and I, as strong as we tried to be, were a bit of a mess. When they say ‘motherly instinct kicks in and takes over’, I think that’s exactly what my mother did that week. She kept strong to support every single one of us, and knowing full well our strengths and weaknesses, she dealt with us individually and accommodated to our personal needs. I was absolutely amazed by the strength of this woman that I’ve literally known my whole life.
We’ve always referred to my mum as ‘il-gellieda’ (the fighter) because she’s always takes a stand and fights for what she believes in (even in times when she might not exactly be right). But that fighting spirit really came out at times when we were at our most vulnerable. A few weeks after losing dad, we lost Nan (mum’s mum)…. 2 major losses for my mother in the span of about 5 weeks. Nan’s loss was a bit more expected because she was 94 and her heart was getting weaker, but a loss is a loss no matter how ‘expected’ it might be. It’s still 2 major blows in a very short period of time. We’ve now all moved out of mum’s house, so she’s found herself alone, in the middle of a pandemic, without her two major pillars. With all the hardships she’s been dealing with, she still keeps pushing to have a cheerful disposition and to celebrate life.
Mum has always taught us to stand up and fight for what we believe in and has pushed us to be strong individuals. If anyone were to lead by example, she’s definitely risen to the occasion. I can’t thank her enough for all she’s done and keeps doing for us, for constantly pushing us to be stronger and for going out of her way to support us in everything that we do. My love and admiration for you our endless Mummy.
I also thought of dedicating this post to all the super mums. To me every single mother who has borne at least one child is a super mum! Starting with the 9 month journey to carry another living being inside their ever-changing body, most of the time whilst balancing a million other thing in life. Braving hours of painful labour, the sleepless nights, the constant worries and troubles…. and for most mums, doing all this whilst balancing a full-time job, looking amazing even if they only got 2 hours of sleep the night before, trying to balance a social life, housework, sometimes studying too, and only god knows how many other things they put on their plate. How can I not admire these incredible women. I’m lucky to be surrounded by quite a few of them. At times I feel like I can barely take care of myself, and here are all these women who do all that I do and balance all their children’s needs. Looking at my sister and a number of friends (and more on the way – so many pregnancies right now), they seem to manage it all and soooo much more. It seems like they can live without sleep. I literally cannot fathom how on earth they do it!
My sister for example, is currently running 2 businesses, and comes up with a hundred other projects at the side, all this whilst studying music and voice, performs in concerts, and balances out all of her sons after school activities. She also does all this whilst always looking like she’s ready for a photoshoot… the clothes, the heels, the makeup… always in tiptop shape. At times I don’t even know how I get out of bed in the morning, let alone look like a million bucks at 8am.
The mums that never get to hold their baby ❤️
But what about the mothers who bear a child but never get to hold their baby in their arms. Those women who have miscarried and are expected to go on with their lives acting like everything is OK. The irony that we live in by society’s standards is ridiculous! In our country abortion isn’t legalised as we are mainly a Catholic country and ‘believe’ that an embryo is a human from conception. However, we don’t have ‘miscarriage leave’. We don’t consider that a woman needs to physically recover from the trauma, and apparently the parents are suddenly expected to ‘not care’ that they lost a ‘human being’ that was their son or daughter, because the baby didn’t survive. So the embryo is considered a human being in light of abortion but less so in light of miscarriage? There’s also the fact that society has taught us to not reveal a pregnancy before the first trimester, because there is a bigger chance of losing a baby within that period, and apparently it’s taboo to speak about your lost baby. So especially for those parents who lose their baby in the first weeks of pregnancy, they’re literally expected to go about their daily lives like nothing ever happened and face it all alone. To parents who have dealt or are dealing with such a loss, my heart truly goes out to you. I hope that you find the comfort and support you need from your loved ones in these incredibly difficult times.
All the pet mum’s out there, I know you love your babies as much as you would love a human baby. I also know that you dedicate an infinite amount of time to your babies. Just like a mum to a human baby, you worry for your little one/s and have to do all the food thing and poop cleaning and make sure they don’t get into trouble or get hurt, not to mention the medical appointments and constant worry. As a dog mum, I think we deserve to celebrate Mother’s Day too 😉
Another great post. I lost my mother when I was 13 and my favourite aunt in 2019 so appreciate every moment. I’d also like to thank you for helping me name my last post.
All The Best
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My parents always meant the world to me. I rebelled a lot as a teenager. There are several reasons for that. But as I grew older, I grew a lot closer to both of them. I am incredibly appreciative of all they’ve done for us and of all the memories I have, but losing dad 9 months ago brought my biggest fear to life. I do believe it has brought me even closer to my mum however.
I’m really sorry for both your losses. I feel like I still constantly need my dad’s guidance, even at my age. I can’t imagine how difficult it must have been to suffer such a great loss at such a young age.
(Regarding help with naming your last post, you’re welcome. Glad I could be of some help 😉 )