I’m going to be honest, I feel a bit out of my depth writing this blog post. I’m in no way an expert on the subject, but I’d like to talk about my journey to what led me to think that I most likely have ADHD or ADD, and the thoughts that have been going through my mind in relation to that.
I grew up with ADHD in the family, so I’ve been familiar with the characteristics for a very long time. What I hadn’t realised is that these characteristics manifest somewhat differently in girls than they do in boys. Growing up, I didn’t face too many challenges academically. I got good marks at school on most subjects. My main struggle was physics, but I guess that’s because my brain is a lot more artistic than scientific. I always loved to write, so it wasn’t like I wouldn’t sit down to do my homework, for example. But looking back, I always had a very short concentration span. Although I used to ‘behave’ at school, I would never sit still. I’d still be incredibly fidgety (although I’d try to hide it as best I could), and I’d need to keep myself busy, doing something other than just listening to a teacher talk. In fact, all my notes would have fashion designs on them, because I wanted to become a designer. If I’d be doing my homework, I’d have music on and sing along, or sometimes get up and dance, and then get back to my work. In my teenage years when we first started getting mobile phones, internet, etc, naturally the distractions started increasing rapidly, but somehow or other, I’d always go back to my original task and at some point get it finished. It would get only finished because when the pressure starts building and deadlines approach, my fight or flight mechanism would kick in, and I’d go into hyper-focus mode. I’d always study the night before an exam, because I’d procrastinate like crazy in the weeks leading up to the exam period, and I would much rather wake up to continue studying or doing my homework at 4am because the world would still be asleep and I wouldn’t have any distractions.
Growing up, my brother and I used to fight like crazy (we still do sometimes). I used to think that we were polar opposites. Eventually, however, I started seeing more similarities between us. I also started noticing that I’d have similar reactions to him, although mine would be a lot milder, which led me to understand him a little better. But it never quite registered that I reacted similarly because I might have ADHD or ADD too. To be honest, I’m not sure how this realisation came about, but it happened over the past year or so. I started noticing patterns in my behaviour – my lack of focus when it comes to tasks that require more concentration, needing a quiet environment to work because the slightest thing could distract me; the fact that my brain just doesn’t stop and how often it goes into what I call ‘overdrive mode’; how much I procrastinate when deadlines are far away and how well I work under pressure and in fire-fighting situations; how sensitive I’m becoming to loud noises due to over (or would it still be ‘under’) stimulation; how sensitive I can be and how that sensitivity leads to mood swings at times.
I started looking up more information about ADD and ADHD and eventually brought the topic up with my therapist. The first fact that was pointed out to me is that contrary to what I thought, ADD/ADHD is an understimulation of the brain, hence why it’s called Attention Deficit. I always imagined it was an overstimulation which was why the brain doesn’t stop. But apparently, the reason why people with ADD are constantly active and fidgety is because they need to compensate for the understimulation. My therapist encouraged me to read Dr Gabor Mate‘s Scattered Minds (I highly encourage everyone to read this book because it is such an eye opener. We are surrounded by people with ADD in our lives, some of whom might not even know it, and once you learn how to recognise the symptoms and how best to approach these people’s sensitivities, it will be so much easier to navigate a relationship with them.)
I chose to include the photo above because it lists some of the most common traits of ADD/ADHD and let me tell you, I pretty much hit all the marks. I think the biggest eye-opener to me, when I read Scattered Minds was the fact that my clumsiness could possibly be related to this. As a matter of fact I have become more aware that if I’m tired, anxious or stressed, I’m even clumsier, probably because I’m less focused. Another important realisation was that allergies are also related, because just as our emotional state is more sensitive so is our body. I regularly get eczema outbreaks, my sinuses are an absolute mess, I’m highly allergic to penicillins, intolerant to fish and shellfish and recently, I’ve been experiencing some sort of alcohol intolerance which makes my chest and face flush even after a couple of sips.
OK so we’ve established that it’s highly plausible that I have ADD/ADHD, the question I’m asking myself is, is that worth getting officially diagnosed? And what would that mean? Would I need to go on medication or can I learn some coping mechanisms to avoid medication altogether? At the end of the day, I’ve probably been living with this for most of my life and have gotten by relatively well so far. I definitely don’t like to be dependent on medication so I’d much rather adopt other methods.
I think that what we need to keep in mind is that these traits are not necessarily a bad thing if you learn how to take advantage of them. My clumsiness, although it can cause pain and embarrassment, gives me a quirkiness that makes me unique. My sensitivity is something that makes me incredibly intuitive and most of the time I use that to help other people. (I just need to learn how to not be over-sensitive in other situations.) Being able to function so well in high-pressure situations is something I consider a great asset (I honestly think that we wouldn’t have firefighters were it not for ADHD). Not to mention the work that one can produce when in hyper-focus mode is quite remarkable.
If we learn how to channel our energy, we can actually benefit from most of these traits. I have learnt that since my mind can’t be ‘still’, I’ll ride that wave which is why I now prefer reading to watching TV. If I’m sitting in front of a TV, it’s highly likely that I’m simultaneously scrolling on my phone. If I’m reading, then my attention is more focused (and I’m gaining new knowledge and information in the meantime, so for me, that’s a win-win.) Exercise is highly important to burn up some of that extra energy and help control the fidgeting. According to Dr Mate, people with ADD/ADHD tend to be more tense, which results in tighter muscles and joints, so stretching is also very important. Meditation is not something that comes easy at all, because the mind just doesn’t stop, but instead of trying to stop my thoughts, I try to give myself moments where I let those thoughts flow and try to see where they lead to, no matter how jumbled up and crazy they might be. When that becomes too tiring however, I will try to focus on my breathing.
I think it is highly important to become more self-aware and accept ourselves more (people with ADHD/ADD are highly critical and will never consider themselves to be good enough). The main symptom I’m currently struggling with that I haven’t found ways of controlling yet is inconsistent/disturbed sleep, because my brain is constantly overthinking even when unconscious. Obsessive tendencies are what lead to this uncontrollable overthinking, and this is a common factor for most people with ADHD/ADD. Another common trait is addictive tendencies. In my case it would be mainly an addiction to food – comfort eating – which is generally triggered by stress and anxiety. I haven’t learned how to navigate these behaviours yet, so if anyone has any tips, please pass on your suggestions in the comments below. I would highly appreciate it!
Cover photo by Tara Winstead
The Klutz Diaries 
Leave a comment